Talk Dirty
by Cereal-Killa
Summary: "Because, Courtney, you're a woman, and there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom." Duncan and Courtney tell sexist jokes and get a little dirty- verbally, and in some other ways...


**Talk Dirty**

Duncan couldn't be having a better day. He had gotten a better grade than Courtney on the science test (yes, I know, INSANITY!). He had gotten the last cupcake in the cafeteria line- or stole it, whatever, same thing. And Courtney had just been walking into his verbal traps all day. It was a great day.

"Duncan, would you wipe that smirk off your face? You've been ignoring me for the past fifteen minutes!" Courtney huffed, giving him a hard scowl. Duncan was supposed to be her _boyfriend- _all he had been doing all this walk to her house, not to mention at school, was joking on her.

But Duncan couldn't help himself. She was just too easy to anger.

Courtney was surprised though, when he wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as he could so that they could still keep up their steps on the sidewalk. "Oh, quiet, Princess. You're lucky to be born beautiful."

She felt herself blush deeply at Duncan's comment, wondering when he had become so sweet. It was unlike him to just give out a comment and not-

"Unlike me, 'cause I was born a big liar."

And then he says sneaky little comments like that.

Courtney ripped his arms away from her as he howled with laughter. "Oh, come on, babe! That joke was great! I've been saving it up all day. You really are pretty." And before she even had time to react- "Pretty stupid."

"Duncan!" Courtney shouted as he doubled over, holding his head as he laughed so hard his face turned red. She fumed silently, watching him with a certain disgust. "You probably stayed up all night memorizing theses jokes. And they sound like you got them off the back of a cereal box."

"You look like your parents found you in the trash." He snorted, then started laughing just as hard as he had been laughing before.

As she started to walk away from him, and he slowly made his way behind her, giggling the whole time, they approached her house. Courtney grabbed her keys out of her pocket. He came closer to her, and she decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. "Wanna hear a joke?"

"Women's Rights?" He piped out, and Courtney gave him a hard scowl.

"No." She growled, opening the door and letting the both of them inside. "Why do men like smart, sexy women?"

"No such thing." He smirked, but slung his arm around her shoulders. "Except for you. OK, OK, finish the joke."

"Because opposites attract." She winked at him, but he made a gagging sound with his mouth. "What?" She protested, putting down her bag on the table and walking into the kitchen, away from Duncan. "That was a perfectly good joke."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but its women's logic of being funny." He raised his eyebrows and sat down at the dining room table as she glared at him from behind the fridge. "It doesn't work."

She sighed, walking over to the table and sitting across from him, a piece of paper in her hand. "SO I'm guessing you know how to deliver a joke better than I can?"

"Well, why can't you drive?" He said, noting on how she hadn't obtained her drivers permit yet. She didn't understand how this pertained to a joke as she shrugged.

His lips curled into a devilish grin. "Because, Courtney, you're a woman, and there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom."

Courtney stuck her lower lip out at him. "Why do all your sexist jokes have to pertain to the bedroom?" She smirked at him. "You totally got them from the back of a cereal box."

Duncan sat his feet up on the table, gaining him a glare from Courtney, which he ignored. "No, I didn't. I could keep throwing these in your face _all _day, darling." He looked at her with that stupid look in his eye- the one that said they were now 'going at it', that the both of them were now in 'challenge' mode. It was something odd about the two of them that was sheer competition over nothing. It was one thing that they each loved about the other- though they would never say that out loud.

She frowned at him. "So you can make a joke out of any subject?"

Duncan took a moment to think about it, and then nodded. "Yup."

"Any random subject?"

He leaned over to her, trying to put an arm around her but she kept scooting away. "Is that so hard to believe, Princess?" He yelped as she pushed him away, causing him to fall out of his chair.

She decided to test him. Looking to him on the floor, she fired out a word. "Hair."

He looked around for a second, thinking, but then snapped his fingers as he got a joke in mind. "What do you call a girl with pigtails?" Courtney stared at him, then made a gesture, urging him to continue. "A blowjob with handles!"

Courtney rolled her eyes, but then shot off another random word. "Um…" She looked at Duncan's wavering orbs, staring at her intently. "Eyes."

He made a face, picking himself off the floor. "Too easy, sunshine. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?"

"Sorry?" Courtney began, a bit taken aback that Duncan would be so vulgar, but not all that surprised.

"Nope." He smirked. "You don't say anything. Somebody already told her twice."

Courtney huffed at him. Nothing good was coming out of this. She walked up the stairs, not looking back at him. Duncan sighed, running over to the steps. "Courtney!" he yelled, but she just stomped her feet on the steps harder. "I'm sorry, babe!"

Seeing how she wouldn't listen to him, he decided to try a different approach. "Why does every man need a woman?"

She looked down at him with a hard, furious gaze.

He tried to think of something mushy to say, but it was out of his mouth before he could help himself. "Without them the dishes would pile up."

Courtney just looked up to the ceiling and continued stomping up the steps, yelling curses the whole way there. Duncan face palmed himself, chasing her up the stairs and into her room.

She tried to shut the door on him, but he was too quick, sliding through the door and onto her bed. "I'm really sorry, no more jokes, I promise." He gave her his most angelic look, giving her a quick peck on the lips for good measure.

She raised a brow at him. "No more sexist jokes, dirty jokes, no more NOTHING?" Courtney questioned.

He smiled at her sweetly. "No more jokes."

She looked at him suspiciously, but then settled on smiling back. "OK, good. How about…" She held up the piece of paper she had been holding earlier, which Duncan now saw was not a piece of paper, but many _pieces_ of paper. "We review my English paper!" She said with excitement.

He gave her a puppy dog lip. "God, no."

She jutted out her hip, her hand taking its place and giving him the original Courtney pose. "Please, please, please! It's my first paper of the year, and I need someone to listen!" He was about to say no, but the look in her eyes got to him, as she brought herself closer to him, her thumb tracing his lower lip slowly. "For me?"

Oh, fuck.

"Sure." He breathed.

She smiled in excitement, making him sit on the edge of the bed and listen to her read her whole piece out loud. He wanted to sigh, but he knew that would only make her start reading louder. So he decided to just cup his chin in his hand and look bored for the next half hour.

Once she finished, Duncan wiped some drool from the side of his mouth and tried to smile at her.

She looked to Duncan with a blank stare. "Well?" Courtney bit her lip, urging him on.

He shrugged. "You blew my mind, Princess." She actually smiled at him, ready to thank him, but- "I wouldn't mind if you blew a few other parts of me either."

If anything, Courtney wasn't sure if she could hold back her rage any longer. She had tried to get some serious criticism or at least some type of feedback, and Duncan still couldn't be anything but a jerk. She could just feel the steam pouring out of her ears, as she turned away from him, trying to hold back her anger, as she started to crumple the paper in her hands.

Duncan was pretty sure he was in for in now, but he couldn't care less. Making her angry was worth her wrath, especially after going through full boredom mode for the past thirty minutes. But the way she was shaking with rage was a bit freaky, especially because he couldn't see her face.

Slowly but surely, however, he could hear her breath slow down, could see her muscles go slack, her whole body un-tensing itself. It was kind of scary.

"Courtney…?" He said, reaching out for her hand. He was surprised when he saw her turn around with a mischievous grin on her face, her eyes gleaming. She grabbed a hold of his hand and shoved him down on her bed. He fell into the huge pile of pillows and plush animals with a grunt.

She smiled down at him slickly, her legs on either side of him as he was pinned underneath her. "You wanna talk dirty?" Her freckles danced on her face, as she leaned down to his exposed neck.

Even as she was laying kisses on his neck that made him short of breath, he found some way to comprehend what she was saying. "W-what…" He hissed as she lightly dragged her fingers over the edge of his thigh. "Do you mean…?"

She brought her mouth to his, licking his lower lip. She then proceeded to lay kisses among his face, soon coming down near his ear. "What do you think?"

Duncan was sure that his mind was going to explode into a million pieces when she grabbed his manhood, stroking it slowly through his jeans. He let out a throaty moan as she continued to lay hot kisses all over his jaw and neck and face, while at the same time, he could feel her pulling down the zipper on his jeans…

He didn't understand any of this, but it wasn't changing the fact that he was loving it.

As soon as his pants were off, Duncan felt himself start to shake because the fact that she was wearing shorts drove him crazy. The skin on skin contact only made him want her more, if that was even possible. She trickled her hands across his boxers, reaching for his erection yet again. He could feel himself slowly losing it, her fingers were driving him wild…

She then stopped, her hands shaking, but got off of him, and slowly gave him a sinister smile. He looked to her with disbelief as she just walked out, leaving him alone, leaving him without her to finish what she had started.

He was shaky, trembling with anticipation for what wasn't going to come. He saw her pop her head back in the doorway again, still smiling wide at him. "What type of logic does a woman use when she leaves a man wanting more?"

Duncan couldn't even find the strength to scowl at her as she whispered, "Reverse psychology with a hint of cock-blocking." She cackled evilly, before leaving him in the room by himself again.

Duncan rolled over, moaning and wishing he hadn't been that stupid to fall for that.

Guess that's what happens when you talk dirty.

A/N: Oh, god, just… don't judge me for this. :3 I've been trying to get… dirtier, slowly but surely.

No offense to anyone who felt anything from those sexist jokes. Those are jokes someone has told me before, so, you know…

And, for the people who don't get the vocabulary:

Cock-blocking: To hinder a guy from getting some.

:P I'm so lame.

Thanks for reading!


End file.
